Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
