If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
