if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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