just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
