Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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