Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
