Will you blow on my dice?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
