so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
