Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
