I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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