I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
