Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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