im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He passed out mid-signature
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
