do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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