I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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