My first STD was from a foam party
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
