No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
