Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
