your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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