My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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