Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
