ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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