i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
