So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
