Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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