I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
