My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
