Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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