It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
