worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
