My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
