I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
there is glitter all over my balls
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
