thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
