Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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