I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
