dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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