i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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