I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
