T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
