In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
