nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
