You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
