Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
