We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
