Three words: puerto rican gang bang
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Randomize
