Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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