If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
