That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
