So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
