I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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