the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
