Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
